Something that made it even worse
by ImJustNutty
Summary: It was bad enough when Allen suffered under Cross...but when Kanda becomes his fellow apprentice-in-training? What could be worse and funnier? Absolutely NO PAIRINGS, but don't let that prevent you from reading this timeless idiocity of all time!
1. Chapter 1 Kanda joins Hell

Something that made it even worse.

Learning to be an exorcist under Cross was tough enough on its own. But it gets even better/worse when Kanda comes along... erk!

disclaimer: I don't own DGM, blablabla, but I own this fanfic. NO COPY ME FANFIC!

"Master, who is this?"

"Allen, meet your new fellow apprentice, Kanda"

Cross pushed a boy, with long blue hair and a fancy sword toward Allen. "Now be nice while I go meet up with this _hot_ babe at the bar!" Without even noticing the dismay on Allen's face, Cross just turned and left the scowling Kanda with Allen.

"Does that jerk do that often?" scowled Kanda.

Allen sighed deeply. "Unfortunately, yes. So...hello! I'm Allen Walker, and ..."

Kanda turned a dark eye toward Allen that cut him off. "Don't care. Just keep away from me, Beansprout."

So, following that...rocky beginning, Allen strived to making friends with Kanda, but basically their conversations went something like:

Allen: Soo, Kanda! Why cha call that sword Mugen?

Kanda: Would you like me to show you what Mugen can do to a person tied up and gagged?

Allen:...

So, you can guess how they got along.

It didn't take long for Kanda to realise how being apprenticed with Cross could have possibly been one of the worse decisions he made in his life.

-SLAM-

"What the h—" started Kanda. A bunch of goons just knocked the door down. "I just cleaned that!"

"WHERE'S THAT BASTD CROSS," yelled the pile of glowing muscle Kanda assumed was the boss.

"Yoz, you people! Using coarse language in front of a bunch of innocent children?! WHAT THE IS WRONG WITH YOU ING of a !!"

" !!"

Allen just stood there wide-eyed. He didn't think Kanda would have such a colourful vocabulary. He hoped Kanda would have as much guts in that skinny frame.

"Kanda..."

"WHAT, BEANSPROUT?!" Kanda snapped in reply.

"Those are debtors, to collect Master's...gulp...debts." Pulling Kanda toward him, he hissed, "those guys have huge, sharps knives..."

"How would you know how sharp they are, moyashi?"

Allen swallowed. Kanda then saw the just healed red line across his throat. That would have creeped out any kid, but not THIS kid. "I see. Here, I'll get 'em with Mugen, while you hide here like the little coward you are."

Allen scowled. He didn't think the skinny proud shrimp with a blue mop on his head would last for more than 3 seconds. He also didn't think that Kanda needed to know that Allen usually just gambled his way out of it. Some things were better left unsaid. After all, Allen didn't mind if Kanda died or anything. His love for humans didn't really extend to proud fools...at least, not when he only knew the guy for 4 days.

Kanda reached for Mugen. He then jumped up with amazing inhuman speed (Allen had suspicions if he was human or not in the first place) and within 3 seconds, the only person standing was the blue haired guy, without a single sweatdrop on his pale face, surrounded by red blood on the floor and the goons out the door.

Kanda slid Mugen back into its sheath with an eerie hiss. "Darn, I just cleaned the floor."

--

So, after the two teens mopped up the mess on the floor of the inn, Cross arrived home, drunk and smelling strangely of women's perfume. Kanda was furious.

"_Master_," he sneered, "some goons came into the rooms and nearly killed beansprout and I just about an hour ago!" Despite the fact that Allen's had warned him that it would be futile, Kanda dismissed Allen's words as poppycock and went ahead.

Cross barely looked up from the table. All Allen could see of his face was as red as his own hair. "Did they say what they wanted?"

Kanda replied with a snort. "Che, they didn't have time. Most people don't say much when they see Mugen and I."

That got Cross' attention. "YOU ATTACKED THEM?!"

Kanda was a bit taken aback, but only for a moment. "I had to, or we wouldn't be standing here now!"

Cross whipped up, suddenly sober and smacked Kanda down. Allen winced, and hurried to pick Kanda up. Kanda was too dazed to smack his hand away, and was picked up. When the room finally stopped spinning, Kanda saw Allen packing both their bags. Kanda pushed Allen away before he discovered the lotus-glass. "What are you doing? Where are we going?"

Allen looked up a bit sadly. " Master knows you have aggravated the debtors, and we have to flee." He looked around the bare room for a while more. "Ah wells, " Allen's face lit up again. "The food here wasn't that great anyway!"

Allen was quite amazed at how Kanda stood up to Cross like that, despite his warnings. Ah well, thought Allen to himself, he didn't know that Cross could be like that the first few weeks of apprenticeship. He smiled a bit painfully to himself as he remembered the times Cross walloped him in his drunkenness. It only took two times for Allen to understand that hiding in the closet was the only safe option.

As for Kanda, well, his pride was more bruised than anything else. Allen guessed that Kanda wasn't used to this kind of thing back at home. he guessed that Cross picked him up at that little town they passed. Japan was a nice place, Allen thought. A bit nicer than England, not as wet and grey. It was going to be a shame to leave so fast. 2 months just seemed to rush away.

The food was nicer, too.

Allen glanced at Kanda, sulking in the darkest corner of the horse wagon. Cross was gluging down wine on the horse and surprisingly staying balanced on the horseback.

"How can you stand that bastad, beansprout?"

Allen turned. Those were the first words Kanda had spoken since that incident 2 days ago. The most sulky person he had met since apprenticed to Cross 3 years ago. "Master isn't that bad, Kanda. He's just...tempermental." But even Kanda could see that Allen was lying through his teeth. After all, it wasn't really that smart to curse him when he was just 2 metres away. Sure he was drunk, but after that incident, Kanda had become wary of Cross' every move. He even flinched when Cross shifted in his chair at dinner the night before.

Allen's thoughts were interrupted by a shout from outside the wagon. "I'm afraid we have to check your passports...sir..." Allen peeked out. The policeman seemed unnerved by Cross's drunkenness.

Allen's left eye confirmed Kanda's suspicions (Kanda's suspicious of everyone). When Allen yelled "AKUMA!!" Kanda had shouted the same thing and whacked the half-transformed creep into the ground. Allen warped his arm and swept through the akuma, knocking Kanda to the ground by accident. "BAKA!" yelled Kanda into the sandy path. "You-OOF!" Cross had just dismounted right onto Kanda's back. With face in the sand, all Kanda heard was the exploding of the akuma and the dropping of an empty wine bottle.

When Kanda finally summoned the energy to lift his gritty face up, Allen was peering anxiously at him. Kanda waved him away and pulled himself up. Cross was already mounting 

the horse. Cross looked a bit disgustedly at Kanda. "Get a bath at the next inn, idiot apprentice."

"Idi--HMMMMM!!" Allen cupped his hand over Kanda's mouth and dragged him to the wagon. Kanda pushed his fingers away in the wagon. "WTH?!"

"Well, did you want a matching handprint on your other cheek?"

Kanda fell silent. They rode silently into the next inn.

Cool story?

Review! This is my first fanfic, ever! There will be no pairings, more funny, and more adventure! stay tuned for the next chapter!

Please note that im busy in school. I'll try to post at least once every week!

REVIEW!


	2. Chapter 2 Cross and his sick idea

Yeah, the not-so-long awaited sequel to Allen's suffering between living with Kanda and Cross. This chapter is a bit sick, idea from xxToxicButterflyxx who was and is one of my buds. Yeah, we know each other. But don't even THINK about asking her for my real name.

Note: I don't own d gray man yadayadablabla, but I own this fanfic. Keep up the reviews, ppl!

--

Kanda had never felt any more grossed out.

The jerk Cross had returned to the inn room, drunk, intoxicated, and muttering about sick stuff that could qualify for porn, since if you were to picture it in your head it would be as good (or bad) as porn.

And despite the fact that Kanda might not have been too highly regarded by his teachers back in school, he knew how to picture stuff in his head.

And since he did, it made him all the more disgusted with Cross. (A/N: did you think I would say it made him more aware of his love for Allen?! LIKE HECK! No pairings, no yaoi, and DEFINITELY NO YUULLEN!!)

Kanda really had no place to run, since Allen had occupied the closet—that much was visible considering how much the closet was vibrating with Allen's petrified shivering.

Kanda stood up from the stool and turned to walk to the cot furthest from the boiled-ham-faced Cross...when it started.

"Snargh...hey...snort...babe. Wanna drink at ma...snort...place? Eheh heh heh..." Cross' eyelids peeled open. Its blurry filthy minded nerves were on top alert for a gorgeous babe...preferably with lovely soft long hair, and tall and graceful...

Ah! And it was Kanda's worst luck that he had lovely long blue hair and he was rather tall. Even though his mind was still trying to grasp the meaning of Cross' slurry words when he felt the large and firm hairy hand on his wrist, he could sense this was gonna be sick...

"LIKE WHAT THE BL—DY HELL..." Kanda yelled, but Cross's sick sex-deprived mind (like real. He probably visits the brothel everyday) translated every sound its intoxicated ears caught into sweet nothings and promises of 'doing it' everyday. Even the sound of a vase crashing as Kanda fought viciously against the makings of a possible yaoi scene.

"BEANSPROUT HELP ME DAMNIT!!" yelled Kanda. Cross had already brought him into his arms on the bed. Fortunately their clothes were on and there was a pillow in between them. Despite that Kanda felt very uncomfortable, considering there was only 5 inches of fluffy cotton preventing him from doing something sick.

Allen crept out of the closet. He heard Kanda's yell for help and was afraid of what Cross had done to him THIS TIME. When he saw the results of Kanda's demise he didn't really know whether to laugh or faint. Since fainting wasn't really on the agenda, he laughed.

Now that wasn't very nice.

After Kanda had showered Allen in a blast flurry of vulgarity that almost set Allen's ears a-blazing, Allen set to work attempting to free him from the clutches of a sex maniac. It took them a good 15 minutes to use Allen's exorcist arm to pull Kanda from the frightful embrace.

"Phew, I thought I was a goner..." Kanda thought. He would never thank Beansprout in front of him. It would do no good to boost his ego. It also wouldn't do good to lower Kanda's outward level of pride, he thought to himself. Aloud he hissed, "Next time, hurry up a bit. I wish to remain a virgin a little longer, nor do I want to lose it to a GUY."

Allen chuckled a bit. It was very amusing to see someone like Kanda get hugged like that. But then the image of Cross whacking Kanda the last time appeared, and he sobered up pronto.

--

Unfortunately for Kanda and a little more fortunate for Allen, Cross remembered what he did the night before.

What made it strange was that Cross didn't really care.

All he thought up was a sick idea.

"If an intoxicated me can mistake Kanda for a hot babe, imagine what old men in the brothel would pay for a night with...Kandarina!"

"LIKE WTH?!" shouted Kanda and Allen together.

Apparently in the last two weeks since they moved to the other end of Japan, Cross had managed to run up even MORE debts, and now was in desperate need of money (it was that or set the Kanda on them).

If Kanda had more humour and if he wasn't in this story he would probably have said "Well ya better sell me at a high price. People as hot as moi don't come cheap." But since he's a grumpy guy in the story, he instead yelled profanities even Cross hadn't heard before.

After 5 minutes of continuous swearing, there was a clunk, followed by pure silence.

...

Kanda woke up in smoke filled air, wrists bound in soft rope and wearing something really itchy and tight around his waist. When his vision cleared, he realised he was on a platform, with about 15 leering drunk old men looking at him with undisguised lust.

Not many things frighten Yuu Kanda, but being dressed in a tight corset dress with suggestive straps surrounded by sex maniacs more brutal than Cross was possibly something beyond Kanda's worst fears.

He wriggled a bit, but a hand stilled him. He turned and froze. "BEANSROUT?!" Kanda gasped. He thought Allen was on his side! Allen winked and yelled to the crowds. "Settle down, men! The last bid was on 50 pounds! Any more than that?"

Kanda was just plain shocked. He felt betrayed, (not Yuullen style) and sick to the stomach at what these men would do to him...her...whatever they would think he was when the dress came off.

"Thank you, sir! 60 pounds to the gentleman at the back!" Allen called. Kanda looked to his potential buyer. He looked older than 100, and his wife probably looked no better, and so he turned to the brothels.

"Going once, twice!" BANG. Allen punched a loose board on the tables before him. "SOLD to Mr. Mahogany!"

As the leering man stepped forward to claim his prize, Allen hissed to Kanda. "Master wants you to escape. Mugen's in the room provided. He doesn't mind you killing this sicko." With a gentle push, Kanda's ropes fell apart and he lurched forward into the drunk geezer's arms. Kanda resisted the urge to kill everybody in the room, but then thought that this plan might not be so bad after all. he could cut the man's purse, and give some of the money to Cross, and keep some for himself. Maybe he could buy himself out of this bondage.

So Kanda followed the old geezer to the room. When the door opened, Kanda couldn't help but resist a chuckle. Mugen was disguised as a plant stem, with leaves taped to the top. The leering man started to remove his shoes, but Kanda had already made his move. He whipped around and kicked the guy's head down. There was a crick and a bit of blood. Kanda didn't really feel much for the geezer. Old man's wife must have been glad to be rid of the bas-- anyway.

Kanda raided the man's pockets and purse, and found abut 30 pounds. He decided to give Cross 18 pounds. As he pocketed the money he wondered how he was gonna get outta that whorehouse.

He found a hunting knife and sawed the skirt off the dress. He had seen this dress in the garbage the day before and the stain that was on the side on that dress was on this one. He hoped Cross wouldn't mind. Kanda's clothes were still on inside, but if he was caught at least he could pretend to be a whore who was attacked.

Next, he grabbed Mugen and strapped it to his back. Opening the window, Kanda felt the cool breeze loosen up sweat glued hair. Looking down, he saw a convienient haystack. 

Excellent. He leapt and landed, soaring like a female samurai. Crawling out of the hay, he picked a piece out of his top and ran like crazy toward the inn they were staying at.

...

"KANDA YOU'RE ALL RIGHT!!" Allen practically squealed with relief and nearly hugged Kanda but merely just pulled the pink top off. Kanda wriggled his shoulders in relief. He tossed to Cross the 18 pounds and said, "Drown yourself in it." Cross grabbed the money and left the inn room immediately.

Allen sighed. "Cross wouldn't change his mind."

Kanda replied emotionlessly. "I killed the geezer." He was surprised when he saw the evil smile on Allen's face. He was more surprised at what he said next.

"Good."

--.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.--

Nice continuation?

REVIEW PLEASE! I live for reviews! REVIEW!

Stay tuned for more!


	3. Chapter 3 Gamblin in Geylang

Tata. I know I haven't posted in an awfully long time, but I couldn't think of a continuation and I also have a hundred and one other things to work on. Ahh, the woes of a Rafflesian Gal.

Okay, here goes...

--

It had been a while since that sick near-death thing that poor Kanda had to go through thanks to Cross. Meanwhile life had gone on... and there weren't many other interesting tales to recall.

So it was during their stay in Singapore where a loanshark spouting the worst English mixed with some strange dialect sprang into their room in Geylang (red-light district) wielding a parang (a particularly nasty knife). Kanda grabbed Mugen and Allen had looked awfully shocked as he stumbled out of the bathroom. Unfortunately, Allen's zip got caught or something and the bathroom door slammed into Kanda's head. It wasn't hard enough to knock the guy out, but it was hard enough to stun him and send Mugen into the wall, with half the blade sticking into the next room.

Meanwhile, Cross, who was ahemahem cough coughing with a lady in that room, glanced above his head at a sleek metal piece that suddenly appeared through the wall, shaving off 5 strands of red hair. He shrugged and continued. Cough.

"Kanda! I'm so sorry!" Allen had barely enough time to gasp as the parang came down.

"Where that redhead bas--?! He owe my boss a lot a lot money leh!" Allen leapt quickly over the bed as the parang slashed through sheets and walls.

Finally, Allen jumped up on what remained of the bed and yelled, "How about we play a game of poker? If you win, you can sell me and that young pretty girl there, but if I win you leave us alone. Fair?"

The gangster seemed to be satisfied. He doubted that the shrimp even knew how play the game anyway. He sat down on the floor. As he reached for the cards, Allen held them back. "How can I trust you will keep to the deal?" The gangster snorted and spat next to Allen. He shuddered. "Fair enough."

So they played. Kanda had more or less regained his senses and had stumbled across to kill the Mohawk Ahbeng, but as he glanced at Allen's cards, he knew that Allen had everything under control. Kanda did not know much about this gambling of the westerners, but he did know that having 3 aces wasn't something that happened often. Much as Kanda hated the moyashi with a too-nice-heart, he had confidence that he wouldn't need to re-clean Mugen that night. Even so, he stay in the shadows, ready to kill if necessary.

Suddenly, the gangster swore. Kanda looked up to see Allen grinning literally ear to ear. "You have to keep to your promise!" Allen almost sang out. The foul-mouthed adult swore violently, but left the room, never to return.

"How did you win?!" asked Kanda, more amazed than he appeared to be. Allen smiled angelically. "When you need a way to earn cash, you learn quickly."

Kanda grunted. "Che. You little cheater."

When Cross stumbled into the room later, he barely noticed the torn sheets. "It's time to go, people. The loansharks are here."

Uncannily, Kanda and Allen muttered "tell me about it" simultaneously.

--Sorry for the short chapter. Its a lot less than the 1000+ word count I usually chock up. The next one will come soon, because THANK GOODNESS FOR YOUTH DAY!!

Oh man I HATE being sick.

Read and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!


	4. Chapter 4 Lori and Yaoi YukYuk

whee, the 4th chapter.

Ya know, I have a suspicion that no one likes to read this fanfic cuz its not yaoi. well, TOO BAD CUZ I HATE YAOI! NYEAH!

Yeah, just something I wanted to say: my pal, angelic evilness, writes if she got 5 reviews, she would write the sequel. I replied that if that was so she would never get on to writing the 2nd chapter.

And look what happened to me...--

Anyway, despite the fact that ive disliked the idea of OCs in FFs, I will plonk my trusty Ayane Lori in, who is, ironically, a yaoi fangirl.

--

And so life went on.

Kanda had just leapt off Tampines Mall and halved an Akuma nearly devouring a girl. Allen had swiped 3 others, and the police were running in circles. Not in a brilliant tactic to surround the Akuma, but instead, a terribly messy NOT BRILLIANT tactic to escape.(SO THERE, NPCC (sea)!! HA!)

The girl looked up. "Hey, you have blue hair... long blue hair!" She paused for a while. "Are you Lenalee?"

Kanda could have blown up. "YOU MISTAKE ME FOR LENALEE YOU YOUNG B-- OF HELL?!" Allen landed next to Kanda and sighed. "Who's Lenalee? Lenalee...hmm, that sounds like a girl's name..." Realising what that meant, Allen giggled.

The girl's eyes widened. "A white haired boy? A cursed eye? A swearing cross dresser?! (Kanda swore profusely at this point) Akuma?!" She jumped to her feet. "How did D Gray Man characters get out of my computer?!"

"Wud..." said Kanda and Allen, equally blank.

(this is pretty clichéd, but I wanted the conflict in the story, thats all) "It worked! I downloaded a virus-laded thing on my computer and DGM came alive! IM A GENIUS!!" the girl squealed.

"Um... talk about ego-ness..." muttered Kanda.

The girl became superbly excited. " Watashi wa Ayane Lori desu!" Allen was rather surprised to hear Japanese from a girl who spoke with a ... he wasn't quite sure, but she spoke with an accent, but it wasn't American. or British. Maybe it was just good English.

"I'm Allen Walker and this is Kanda!" he replied cheerfully.

"Yes, yes, and later you will meet Lenalee and Krory and Lavi and Miranda and Komui and..." Lori rattled on, and Allen kinda wandered around exploring to see if he could see the difference between the world he lived in and this...'out of the world he was living in' world. Kanda, on the other hand, was controlling himself from whipping out Mugen to silence the whelp that would SIMPLY NOT SHUT UP.

"I'll see if I can get you guys back into the Anime world, but firstly, you guys will owe me something. Agreed?" Lori smiled. The smile unsettled Kanda, but he was so eager to shut up the twit he readily agreed.

"Whatever. You people have soba here?"

--/\/\/\/\/\/\--

The trio hopped on the local bus back to Ayane Lori's house. It wasn't like any Japanese house, and it was in a block of flats. "You know, it would be cool if one of you were Lenalee, then we could try her Dark boots thing instead of taking the lift!" Lori mused. In the small lift, Kanda was vey close to separating Lori's mouth from her voicebox, since the urine smell pushed him further to the edge of berserking. Allen simply smiled, thinking "poor child. She must have lost a family member, thus driving her to this level of annoying-ness and nuttiness. I hope she will not become an Akuma..."

Soon, they got to the 11th floor. "Wipe you feet," she murmured as she led them in. Heading for the room at the back of the flat, Allen was curious to see if all Singaporean houses were as dingy as the Geylang hotel. He wondered what Cross was doing, as he disappeared into some dark alley as they headed to the Mall earlier that day. He hoped he didn't go back to see that silly girl.

They found Lori tapping the keys of a little laptop. She turned and smiled to them. "All done!" Kanda stepped forward but before the computer program could suck the 2D samurai in, Lori held to his collar.

"HEY WHAT THE F--?!" Kanda swore. Again. Lori pushed him into Allen, crashing them BOTH down. "We had a deal, Yuu!"

"_How did she know my first name, damnit..." _thought Kanda. But Allen's thoughts were trying to get Kanda off him, as, despite the slim build, was still rather heavy.

"I want you two to --!"

"WHAAT!!" shouted both boys. Kanda was rather surprised to know that Allen knew what -- was, but currently that wasn't his main focus.

"But I'm not gay!" protested Allen. Kanda scowled. "Ayane Lori, you are one --ed up --er. "

"Gracias!" she bowed.

Allen cringed. "Could we just...gag...kiss or...choke ...something?"

Kanda was reaching for Mugen and was on the girl and could probably have gotten his way except for the fact that—

"...my fingers are on the keyboard..." sang the little yaoi fangirl.

Kanda swore. If he sliced her head off she could reset the whole computer in time. Then the moyashi and him would be stuck in this sick world forever. Holding Mugen aside but near enough to attack, he groaned.

"Oh FINE. Since I am ever so nice, you will either make out with me, or make out with bean sprout. And since we all know you're gay, you won't smooch--YELP!"

Okay, eek? –thought Allen. Kanda had just put his mouth to the girl's. Allen choked. (IM CHOKING AND I JUST WROTE THAT) It was only for 1 second and Kanda had already pulled away. He had only put his mouth there and that was enough to stun the girl. She pressed a button and the two characters whisked away, never to see Ayane Lori again.

Not that it was a bad thing...

--;;;;;--

"OMG KANDA HOW DID YOU DO THAT!" gabbled Allen. Kanda shrugged. "I didn't kiss her, you know, I only put my mouth there. by the way, you got any mouth wash?"

In the Anime Singapore, the two teens headed to Cross, who was, predictably, in Geylang. Holding a busty girl in one arm and an empty wallet in the other, Cross wandered out of the Hotel, greeting a Kanda with an antiseptic mouth, after all that mouthwash, and a still stunned Allen. "hey, ' Cross slurred, '"Danalle here ...ghic...I can't afford her...hic...she'll show me her stuffs in exchange of a little...gurlp...show.!" He swigged the drink from a bottle in his coat pocket. "You boys mind whippin' off yer clothes and doin a lil' -- in fronna 'er?"

Kanda and Allen, despite the machoness they had, screamed.

--

I don't blame you. I hate this one as much as you might.

Pleeeeeeaaassseeeeee review!

Gracias!

Btw, "watashi wa (name) desu' is perhaps the only Jap I know, apart from Arigato and Ohayo gosaimas (I cant spell good, okay?!)

Im kinda stumped for ideas. gimme ideas!


	5. Chapter 5 Lost Mugen

Yay, the 5th chapter is already up! im on a roll, and a writer's block.

This is pretty predictable, and the last chapter my pal ol' angelic evilness said it was kinda funny, but she then laughed and said ive got a secret liking for Kanda. Which is SO NOT TRUE. I don't like kanda. If I had to choose, I would choose Allen or even Lavi, but Kanda rates a 3rd choice (oh shut up. Theres no one else to like already)

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Allen always kinda wondered if Kanda and that stick of metal Mugen shared some sort of telepathic bond.

He wondered if it was a bit haywire.

He only started thinking about it when during the last night of staying in the hotel room thing with Cross and that girl in the next room, he was suddenly seized awake by the collar.

It is scary to be dragged out of bed blindfolded and gagged. It is even scarier to wake up and look straight into a pair of crazed eyes and blue hair stuck to the forehead.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MUGEN YOU (insert vulgarities of choice)" he roared. Predictably, it was Kanda who had stretched the rather old elastic of Allen's shirt. Blearily, Allen yawned. "what are you talking about, zzz...Bakanda..."

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT YOU LITTLE S-- OF A BEANSPROUT. WHERE'S MUGEN?!"

Allen kinda sobered then. Mugen was missing and Kanda thought he had something to do with it. TO sum it up: either Mugen was found, or it was shredded bean sprout for dinner. Allen wasn't quite sure how that was possible without the blade, but fuelled by his fury, Kanda would surely find a way.

"I didn't do it! Why would I want your Innocence for? I've already got mine." defended Allen. Kanda paused to think. The moyashi had a point, but Kanda still needed to take it out on someone. Then he would think about it truly.

Allen extended his arm and shielded himself from the maniacal blue haired boy. His punches rocked Allen's arm sore. Finally when he stopped, he calmed until you would never have thought he was maniacal just 5 seconds before.

"C'mon, Kanda. A walk outside would do you some good. Calm down." breathed Allen.

Kanda and Allen walked down the rather empty road. Stalls were trying to sell the few travellers on the road to buy their wares. Allen tried to distract Kanda from his misery by pointing out various cool stuff on display. "This fan looks cool, with the watercolour of the river...and the cane looks real nice... um, Kanda? Kanda? Stop looking at your shoes. It will give your neck a crick." Allen tried to coax Kanda out of his shell of Emo-ness, but he remained as silent and fuming as ever.

Allen still tried. "This wooden doll looks nice... hey wait a moment..." Allen trailed off. This sword looks veeerrrryyyy familiar..."

Before you could say Ouch my neck, Kanda had snapped his head toward the stall, grabbed Mugen (I told you it was gonna be so obvious) and stood gleaming on the table with a glint of pride and anger in his eyes. The stall-owner had long run off in fright the moment the boy had leapt onto the table, bringing the legs to splinters and the top to the bottom.

"Erm, are you sure that's Mugen, Kanda? Because honestly I can't tell one sword from another..." Allen was cut off when the edge of Mugen pressed against his neck. "Okay, that I recognise. I can never forget what Mugen's sharp edge feels like, and what it looks like close up...REALLY close up."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"WHERES THAT BASTA—D CROSS?!" roared a furious Kanda, red faced. Allen thought that contrasting colours didn't look too bad—red faced and blue hair. Interesting colours, he thought to himself. Kanda had just burst into the room Cross had to himself and the multiple sex- partners he had. Kanda and Allen had just interrupted Cross and a woman. Ahem.

After Cross had managed to get relatively decent, he knuckled Kanda's head. "What's wrong with you, idiot apprentice?"

Kanda fixed Cross' glare with one of his own. "You sold Mugen?!"

Cross shrugged. "I needed the money."

Kanda roared and lunged at Cross with Mugen...

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o

"You know, I wouldn't mind so much if I didn't have to scrub the blood off TWO garments..." grumbled Allen. Kanda and Cross were mummified on either side of the room, which meant, they weren't really that far apart, since the room was so ridiculously small. Despite their injuries, their hearts remained stony as ever. Allen had tended to their wounds. Cross had vicious cuts and Kanda had bruises and a split lip.

Kanda growled softly to Allen as he sponged the blood off his arm. "You can't let this jerk off like this, you wimpy bean sprout!"

"What do you want to do?" whispered Allen from the side of his mouth.

Kanda's eyes narrowed in what could have been a sneaky look if only the bandages on his head didn't hide it:

"Lets sue him."

xxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzxzx

is it me, or does this story get crappier with each chapter?

Maybe it DOES need some yaoi. BLEAHK!

Review please!

sry that I take so long, but I DO take 2 CCAs, have tonnes of hmwk and pts, so PLEASE don't kill me.

ps PTs are performance tasks. if youre in rgs you'll know how much im sufferin here.


	6. Chapter 6 Revenge and Ouch

yeah, chapter 6!

Yeah, I know this story sucks but thank you all those who put up with me and read this thing. Im really sorry I don't put yaoi in this (or shounen-ai, as my friend prefers to say) but seriously, I can't imagine Kanda and Allen doing anything sick. And when I can, its not pretty...

Yeah, woots. here we go. DIE CROSS DIEEEEE (gee, don't kill me for that little statement, sha2...)

--

"What?!" hissed Allen, which made him jerk his hand and press a little TOO hard on one of Kanda's bruises.

"Owch! Quit that moyashi whose side are you on?" Kanda hissed back. "Anyway, this is the 21st century (A/N it is in my story. I don't think you have legal rights and all that stuff in the 1800s). He can't get away! Abandoning children to go do stuff that is rather M18?"

"We're children? And when did you care?" Allen whispered, rather puzzled. Kanda rolled his eyes. "Normally, I wouldn't care. But it's personal. I can't stand the way he's treating us and till now it's pretty obvious there's nothing we can do about it. Besides... don't you wanna get his back?"

Allen considered. Then the dark aura that usually comes when he plays poker appeared. "Sounds good..." His large eyes squinted in an evil look even Kanda swallowed.

"But usually in cases like this we will get sent off to a new guardian, and there's no one to be sent to except an orphanage or something..." Allen muttered under his breath when the ebil aura wore off.

Kanda frowned. "Hm. Didn't think of that."

Allen sighed. Dabbing at Kanda's arm, he said aloud so Cross could hear him too. "You people. Well, tomorrow's another day and some rest would do you some good." Hauling them onto the two beds, Allen sighed. Another day on the floor, I suppose..., he thought.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Strange, a court summon?" hummed Cross. Kanda innocently blinked in Allen's direction. Allen was surprised Kanda could look so innocent. The thing was, the fact that he LOOKED INNOCENT made him all the more suspicious. Oh the irony...

"Today?!" said Cross with an eyebrow raised. They had 5 days left and he had no time for the petty court to deal with him.

"Charged with...mistreat of children?!" He whipped to stare at two teens wiping the floor with their shoes and finding the ceiling very interesting for some strange reason.

"You idiots! You petty fools! We have a mission to complete and you bother me with this... tomfoolery?" He demanded, rather crossly (haha...).

"You think we sent the court summons?" raised Kanda's eyebrow. Cross groaned. "I have no time for this. I can easily evade the police with all that the Black Order has. But if you want to play this game, 

_boy, _then we shall play, and a merry game it shall be when your sorry ass comes begging me for forgiveness..."

Allen was really scared now.

xXxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX one week later XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We shouldn't have started this..." Allen whimpered.

"Shut up. What do YOU know, moyashi?"

"Well, one thing I know is that if we don't get outta here soon _IMGONNAGETTHEEFFINSHRINKS!!"_

Yeah, they hung upside down from the inside of their Geylang apartment thing.

"Why did we have to have a bloody effin _FEMALE LAWYER, JUDGE AND MAJORITY OF THE JURY?!_" screamed Kanda.

"_omgomgomgomgicantthinkicantbreatheomgomgomgithinkimgonnaeffindieomgomgomg..._" blabbered out Allen.

"Shut. The. F--. Up. Moyashi." swore Kanda. Swinging as hard as he could to try to grasp Mugen, he bumped into the pretty much foaming at the mouth Allen and they both ended up swing around like decorations.

"oh GAH. Forget the Shrinks! I think im gonna be SICK!!" Allen paled.

"OH GROSS get away from me you SICK FREAK!" yelled Kanda, kicking Allen away before he let fly his lunch.

Kanda swung as hard as he could, grabbed Mugen and cut the ropes in one swift move, dropping Allen headfirst into barf.

Anyway, the first thing they did was to get a bath, then go get revenge. Cross was out arranging for a whore, so they had about 2 hours to plan.

"Step one: Create havoc during ahemahem cough cough." declared Allen as he shone the torch under his chin.

"Lamer.." thought Kanda to himself. "The idea works...c'mon..."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0—0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-00-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-00-0-0

Cross and the new girl, Tutu, walked into the dark room. Cross didn't find anything wrong—the room was always dark. As they undressed and all that yukky stuff, Allen, dressed in black, snuck in and increased the aircon, turning the room extra cold. While this went on, Kanda, dressed in black as well, poured prickly powder on the bed. This might not have been so bad...except they had ground some toenail clippings in. They were in for a painful ride.

The playguy and the whore came from the bathroom. The two prankers hid behind the closet. Allen blushed at the gentle flirting laugh that the whore made, while Kanda smirked at Allen's 

childishness. As the couple started on some serious making out, Kanda rolled silently into the bath room, leaving Allen as lookout. Allen grinned as he heard the whore complain of pains and Cross masking groans of pain with groans of pleasure.

Meanwhile, Kanda had filled their clothes with toothpaste and other unmentionable icky stuff. He threw the towels out the window and soaked their underwear in the toilet bowl, which, hadn't been flushed. Kanda then snuck out and rejoined his partner in crime behind the closet.

"Oh, it's very cold..."

"Snuggle in my warmth, dear..." Allen nearly retched. He could see why Cross had won the case...he new exactly what to say... Allen released the rats he hid inside Cross' closet and pushed the door slightly open through a hole at the back. He had secretly added a bit of cheese in Kanda's discomfort powder. The rats headed to the snogging couple.

"EEK!" screamed Tutu. Cross pulled the nibbling rats off, leaving painful bites. Allen kinda hoped the rats didn't have bubonic plague, he wasn't THAT evil.

Tutu had had enough. She ran to the bathroom, and Kanda caught a glance of her running in the nude. He blushed a furious red and hoped that in the dark the Moyashi wouldn't see him...

"YAAAAAAAA!!" screamed Tutu again. Cross had twisted the neck of the last rat and run to the bathroom. This time, Kanda looked away and shut his eyes and covered them with his hands, just in case.

"You paid for my services, and not to mess up my stuff!" The whore ran out of the room clutching sticky clothes and sopping undies , barely covering her enormous chest and disappearing into the next room, the one that wasn't the boys' room.

Cross stumbled out of the bathroom, and hissed. "Those boys...will pay."

Allen swallowed as he and Kanda snuck out of the room .

--

Yeah, its a bit sick this time. When will this never ending cycle end?

PLEEEAAAASSSSEEEEE review!!

And subscribe to the story to see what happens next!

Pwease?

And yesterday, I saw this huge poster of Kanda in the video store KYAAAA

even though I don't like Kanda THAT much, KYAA33333


	7. Chapter 7 The End

Woots, im done with all those ridiculous PTs.

Im tempted to go write a super AllenXLenalee thing, but I honestly have no clue on how to start.

My tribuner mates tell me that writing a hot saucy sex fanfic is super tough. I don't doubt it. Ive tried making funny dumb ones with my fren, but thats different.

Ah wells, back to the story...

--

"Hi five, man!" Allen leapt up and was ready to smack Kanda's hand, only for the small but significant detail that Kanda didn't raise his hand, and he had already walked away.

"Don't celebrate yet, moyashi. You heard what Cross had to say. he's gonna come after us, and when he reaches, us, _it won't be pretty..." _Kanda muttered dramatically as Allen pulled his face from the frayed carpet.

"Yeah, but then we'll just get HIM back, and then he gets Us back, then we... oh dear...this is going to keep going around in circles..."

"Yup. We've got to end this once and for ALL. I don't care, I rather any other master than THIS bast+."

Allen was rather upset. He hated Cross, but he was simply too nice to go abandon his shifu...

"Im sure the Black Order, whatever that is, can put me with any other master..."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

(A/N now im very bored and im tempted to chuck kanda to tiedoll and end this ff, but ...yeah, im gonna end it.)

"Yo, Black order? yeah, I'll like to order a new master, preferably with soba..."

Allen grabbed the phone from Kanda. "Wadareya, nuts?! How can you get a new sensei like that... what the..."

The phone had just went: Go to Jurong to collect your order.

Allen and Kanda looked at each other...and burst out laughing.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"IDIOT APPRENTICES!!"

Cross stormed into the room. "WHERES KANDA??"

Allen was sweeping the floor. "He disappeared after tea. I have no idea where he is now."

Cross swore. "Then I suppose YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY FOR IT YOURSELF!!'

"WAAAAGHHH!!" Screamed Allen...

--

2 years later, if you have watched the 2nd episode of DGM, you should know how they reunited.

"Kanda?" Allen nervously asked.

Kanda turned around. "Moyashi." he acknowledged.

"Who was your new master? How are you? Hows things now..."

Kanda sighed. "You're still as annoying as ever..."

"And you're still as mean as ever! C'mon, aren't you glad to see an old pal again?"

"No. And please, pretend not to know me that well. I was apprenticed to Master Tiedoll, okay? Im fine, better than you, anyway. Now, go away."

Allen watched Kanda walk away, and he smiled.

Because he knew that when Kanda said no, he smiled a bit.

Allen knew that Kanda wasn't that displeased to meet Allen again.

And that made him happy, to know he had met a friend again.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Okay im SORRY I KNOW THAT WAS TOTALLY LAME AND ITS NOT YAOI IM SO SORRY BUT I REALLY COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO WRITE SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!

if you want u can suggest something funny and il start on it

But im ending this now, here.

Thank you the few ppl who subscribed and brightened my day.

Arigato!


End file.
